woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
