He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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