just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
