He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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