at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
