i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
