To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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