mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
