I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
