This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
