Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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