Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
