TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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