i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
