I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
