Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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