I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize