Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
