how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
