You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
