i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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