i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
we should paint friendship bongs
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