I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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