he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
