He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
