I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
