Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
