In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I could fuck to npr.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize