I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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