we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
