TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize