I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
