i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
