Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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