Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
