We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
