Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you win again, gameday.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
