True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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