i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
