You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
