I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
