I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
