Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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