are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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