When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How external is "for external use only"?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
