she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
