Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
