New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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