is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
