I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
