u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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