If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
