he shaved USA in his pubs
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
