He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
