Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He shit in the fireplace
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
