I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
