6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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