i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize