Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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