I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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