i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
