Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
