it was like his penis was on wheels.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
