Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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