Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Panties = found
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
