Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
