She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
