i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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