you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't turn off my feet"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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