He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
